I’m tired of feeling like an ant trapped in an ocean of never-ending waves, not knowing what or where I am. This might sound lame or cliche but hey I don’t care. 30 questions, 30 posts. Let’s see if I can do this.
How do you feel at the moment?
Wow. The first question and shit is already getting real. There has been so much going on and going through my galaxy whirlwind of a brain. At this moment though, I feel okay. Good choice of words, Kenzie, very inspiring. No but as I just think about my feelings right at this moment of typing away, I feel okay. Am I still overwhelmed with all of the changes that are coming, the disappointment that has passed, the worries, sure. But there is a calm to knowing that I can do this. I have committed myself (we’ll see) to changing my attitude, my routine, my habits; and more than anything do I want to do that for myself. I feel like I can. I know that I have the skills and the capabilities to do anything I want as long as i persevere through the pain and the thoughts telling me, “no, stop, you’re not good enough for that and you can’t do that.” I feel okay. Okay enough to see myself in a year being a whole new person. Seeing myself tomorrow with a smile and a good attitude. At this moment I feel like a new me is coming out through her shell, metamorphosed into a Kenzie with drive and passion. I want to feel again, love and true happiness. I want to laugh again, a real laugh, one that makes my sides ache and my eyes water. I feel okay, but okay isn’t where I am going, it’s just the beginning.