What would make me happy right now?
I hate to give the cliche answer, but a lot of things.
I think what would genuinely make me happy right now is a friend. No I am not a hermit that sits behind my keyboard and mopes to class where I sit in the corner and never look up. No, I have friends but the friends I do have lack a sense of authenticity. I am a wallflower, I see and read people. I know some people better than they know themselves because I enjoy seeing deeper into people. My friends lack key components of friendship. When one has a mountain of an issue (a mountain as in a cute boy didn’t reply to my text within four minutes) it is a good laugh for everyone, but when a serious concern of life altering event happens, no one is there to listen or help each other. Or even less serious, when someone is going through heartbreak and anxiety, internal conflict and insecurities, they are gone. Everyone wants to talk about their own problems but when do we talk about each others’ problems? I think a friends, a true and genuine friend, would make me happy.
Hope would make me happy. I am so tired of good things falling apart for me. It is one after another and consistently. I can hardly remember the last time I truly felt hope. Yes, I may be more privileged than others with the opportunities and things I hold, but I long for feelings. I long for the hope and faith that others possess. I lie awake at night craving to feel inside what others show on the outside from within. It is easy to “fake it until you make it” but the lack of hope, true hope, eats at my spirit each day turning the sunshine to gray. I didn’t mean to turn all depressing there but writing gives me a slight sense of hope that someone out there could read this and feel the same as me.
Lastly, I feel like a new place would make me happy. I am transferring colleges in the fall and I have so many expectations and dreams and fears and excitement and no-patience to begin a new life, essentially. After studying abroad in Europe, I felt more myself than ever before as I was roaming the streets and experiencing so much culture. I felt alive. Going back into routine and seeing the same faces day after day shot through my soul. New places are terrifying sometimes but going somewhere new and seeing so much wonder pulses my adrenaline and sparks a feeling in me that is hard to put into words.
I also think a Jimmy John’s turkey sandwich would make me happy but that’s besides the point.
If you are just finding this article I encourage you to check out my other days of the 30 Questions for Self-Discovery series. Stay rad.