What are my priorities at the moment?
I have been dealing with so many little things that have built upon me like Lego blocks. All of the small things bothering me have built up to give me rough anxiety and stress that never leaves. My priority right now is to be happy. I have been trying new things to become a better me, a happy me. Whether it is skin care, a new outfit, spray tan, a workout, a new beauty blog (coming soon), I have been trying to treat myself. It is such a necessity to put yourself as a priority sometimes. Of course there are things that come before us, but in harmless ways, self-love is dire.
All through school, I was in a toxic friendship. A girl whom I thought was my friend always put me down and never let me feel confident or fun and yet I still believed she was my friend. It was evident that she was dealing with many internal issues and she never discussed personal things but I always knew. In high school I turned to boyfriends I had to make me feel pretty and funny and relied on their approval against my friends. I build relationships with boys based on my looks and flirting. When it came to friendships, I stayed reserved and guarded because of the way my toxic friend had put me down so many times before. It wasn’t until college that I realized I had no idea who I was. I traveled to Europe last year and that is the one place I truly felt like myself. I treated myself to croissants and took great selfies (mostly because I had a great architectural backgrounds but hey it’s whatever). I knew that I was special and deserved the uttermost love. I have chased boys and friends and to look like Alexis Ren or any Instagram model. But now I see in the mirror the future, the happy me that will return as long as I am a little selfish and treat myself (Parks & Rec 4ever).
Putting yourself as a priority is not a bad thing. It shows that you appreciate your body and life enough to make it worth living.
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