What do I love about myself?
It is so sickening to me that the first thoughts in my head after reading that question were negative. Why? I fight so hard with myself internally to practice self-love. I fight for others publicly to practice self-love but yet in private I struggle so much with it. There are days I will lay in bed all day because I just feel so disgusted with myself, but then there are also days that I feel confident and happy even if I am just wearing my XXL sweatshirt and grandpa-looking shorts. It is okay to feel bad about yourself but I pray you do not fight so much with yourself like I do. It is heartbreaking.
I love the way I can see people. Even when I first meet someone, I take the notion to truly listen to them and observe them. I can see more to their story through the suppressed sadness in their eyes or the distant abuse in their tone of voice. I can also see when someone is truly happy and experiencing joy. I feel a lot of the emotions of those around me like a cloud absorbing the water from underneath its soft belly. I have a wall to me because I feel so many emotions of others, I try not to radiate the whirlpool I feel and instead stay calm and blank. I don’t like that part because it causes a lot of relationship issues with others, but I like that I can connect to other’s emotions.
I love that I can make people laugh. The same feeling you get right when the lights turn down and the video projections light up the curtain where you are awaiting your favorite band, then the music is ever so slowly starting to come in and then…YOUR BAND. That happiness is how I feel right when I have made someone laugh or smile. It’s like the first ray of sunshine in the morning, the yellow to remind the grey that I am appreciated and I am a person.
I love how passionate I am. When it comes to something that sparks my interest, I fall into it deeply. Whether it is boys, politics, makeup tutorials, Netflix, art, whatever; I give 100% of me to the topic. This can lead me to heartbreak (stupid boys) but it allows me to surpass the surface of whatever it is and discover what is hidden in the darker chambers that most would overlook. I fall with my heart and she is bruised and torn but she grows and is lovely.
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